I've been battling depression for as long as I can remember, it's been a silent battle up until a couple years ago. I began writing my feelings and the things God has revealed to me in this time. The wonderful thing is, that when we put our trust in God, He provides the grace we need for the trials we are faced with. I wrote this passage a while back describing a little bit of what course He's taken me through. I have a long way to go, but I am confident that when I choose to trust my God, He is faithful to provide that amazing grace to see me through.
Slammed again...back against the wall...trapped like a rat in a cage...call out for help...nobody hears...get down on my knees to pray...Oh God come quick there's little time left...fear gnawing away at my heart...worry and stress have led to duress and I can't pull myself from the dark. Experienced calm just before the storm struck...thought pain was receding inside...oh was i fooled by the lull in my mood...all the joy within me has died...thought through these days I was rising above...trusting in You, thought I broke free in love... but I've fallen from the force of the shove...over the edge i stumble and fall...hopes dashed on the rocks below...crumpled and shattered the pieces are lost in gusts of the wind as it blows...How will you find me Lord...blown all around? tossed like a ship in the sea...A part of me here a part of me there...its a puzzling mystery...You gather the pieces into your hands and look at me, wounded and broken. A smile on your face, You speak out Your grace, healed the instant Your words have been spoken...Can this be real? that Your calling me back to the life You've given to me? What shall I think? What does it reveal... about what You feel for me? The truth is You love me. The truth is You care...Its when I forget this, that my life meets despair. So in Your great mercy You make me aware that the enemy's doing more than his share to get me to falter in my steps, so beware. The warning's been given as I stand once again in Your Holy presence, repentance at hand. Forgive me Lord Jesus for my lack of faith, in you and your power, for hiding my face...For doubting your wisdom and strength for the race. You've set me aright after many a fall and I give thanks for Your patience, understanding and call. Its You I can count on...there is nothing else. So many pitfalls and strongholds in self. May I look to You always, for the peace You will bring. Singing honor and Glory, all praise to my King. You've lifted my spirits... on Your wings I take flight, with You as my pilot I will soar through the night.