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Friday, October 23, 2009

God Doesn't Make Junk!

Some days I just don't "feel" like being happy. Some days I just want to curl up and sulk in my circumstances. The "why me?" syndrome takes over and before i know it i am in full blown throws of self centeredness. ugh! poor me, I'll never be good enough, i can't do anything right! Sound familiar? This is not your typical self centeredness, you know, the kind when you think you're all that and more. Nope not like that at all. I usually always go the other direction. which in someways is worse. not only is it all about me, but it's usually geared to the negative. I make excuses in my head like I'm not hurting anyone when i feel like this, but the reality is...Yes, it does hurt someone! It hurts God. When I act selfishly I am telling Him that he made junk. I know this sounds harsh but let's pretend you put your heart and soul into a creation, a painting, let's say and you give the painting to special friend and that friend takes it from you, thanks you for it and then turns around and hangs it up backwards with the ugly side out. You ask why would you do such a thing? Your friend replies, well it's not beautiful enough, it makes me sad to look at it, it has some mistakes in it, and some drips. I just don't think anyone would want to see it so I will spare them the embarrassment of having to look at it. Yikes! I know I would feel really really bad and sad if i were the giver of this actually very beautiful gift. God is the giver of our life, and when we take that gift and hide it away it's the same thing as what the friend did. I am learning to look at my self pity in this way. I also have found that the times when i am most self centered is when i have taken my eyes off of God. Sometimes my circumstances make me lose sight of Him, but instead of hiding myself away and dwelling on how horrible I am, I am practicing running to God, the only source of true happiness and contentment. He is always willing to listen to my woes and encourages me to go on. I am learning this is a choice on my part, an act of my will, in which God has given me free reign over. So on days like today, when i am so tempted to hide myself away and sulk I am practicing taking my will and turning over to His. I don't want to tell God he made junk. I want to shine like the star He made me! drips and all!

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